I feel much better. I would much rather be fending off people than the alternative of having no one show up. There's no doubt how much this big guy is loved.
He was sweating alot tonight. His temp was 102.1 when I left. He is covered with antibiotics, but the infection-wherever and whatever it is- is in it's early stages. His nurse pointed out it could also be his brain not being able to maintain his temp appropriately as well.
We sat down with Dr. Serious again today. I swear this man has like no bedside manner. He's very serious all the time. It's hard enough with the tension in the room during these meetings. Someone makes an effort at some light humor and this Doc just stares at you. Like you suddenly randomly spoke French. Then he proceeds to tell you that you are not funny. But, he's a very smart man! Apparently rocket scientists are very serious people. But, he gives it straight. And right now, he says that what he said on Tuesday still stands. The CT scan from today is still a big fat mess. We knew that. Anyone have a rocket science degree in the house? Ok, my bad....moving on....
Dad's cranial pressures were at 16 tonight and even dipped down to 14 as I talked to him. The procedure to relieve pressure is in fact giving relief.
It doesn't change what damage has been done. And I guess that is the real question that will come out in the wash. What exactly are we looking at? We don't know yet. We may not get anything. It still hangs by such a fragile string. At any time, any single thing can go off balance and literally blow the whole process to pieces.
We know the odds. We know the battlefield before us. We stand with shaking knees watching the process unfold and hope and pray we are making the right decisions. Or as the head nurse told me tonight, there are no right decisions. There's just the best decisions we can make. No matter what we do there is frustration and guilt. For all intents and purposes, Allan never should/would/could have made it this far. So we just wait and we give it to the Creator that made this man. We put it in His hands. And we once again learn patience.
No one dares to hope. No one dares to give up. It's like we are stuck at this balance in between worlds. A gaping hole filled with love for this person just bleeds open from all of us. It's just sad and it hurts.
At best, there's a long haul ahead of us with grim results. Despite our asking in several different ways and to several different people...there is no slim chance....there is no possible way that this will end with the same man it started with.
I sat with dad a long time after Chris and Vicki left. If you've ever been in my shoes or close to in my shoes, you will understand what I say when I say that you learn really fast to fend off hope. Hope is a scary thing when your in my shoes. It can be heart breaking, over and over on a daily basis. So you stick with reality. You keep it simple and straight. I wish this case were simple and straight. It just is what it is.
I sat with dad. Everyone had left. The nurses changed shift. I held his hand and stroked his arm. I kissed his fingers, and found one stapled together. I guess it's minor in comparison but he damn near tore off the pinky on his right hand. His whole right arm is wrapped up awaiting surgery at some point. His left arm they say he won't be able to feel.
So I kissed his shoulder where there was a spot lacking wires and tape. I rubbed his little pot belly that was sticking out. I put my hand on his chest and felt his heart pounding away. We talked about his grandkids. We talked about so many people who have emailed me. We talked about families that I never knew. We talked about helmets and Harleys. We talked about his little dog who weighs two pounds and owns half my kitchen. We talked about love. My tears finally stopped pouring and I was able to just talk to him, and so I did.
I talked to the charge nurse when she came in to check on us. I talked to the Chaplin who showed up and prayed with us.
Dad's growing a little stubbly beard and it's kinda cute. I stroked his big ol chin ever so gently. And as I did he pulled his chin up and in...like he was going to make a face, and he coughed. I thought maybe I was too much so I went back to the hand that they say he can't feel...it's the only one somewhat free from injury. He coughed a couple more times with the whole chin scrunching thing. I know it's just a reflex and there is so much gunk in his lungs.
It still didn't make it any easier to fend off the dreaded hope.
I stayed a while longer and just loved him for who ever he is right now.
I put him back in the hands of God and sent my little self home.
Putting one foot in front of the other...
Randi Fay
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday at noon.
Allan's pressures have been a little lower today. At times they have gone up and down according to what was going on in his room. But overall the procedure seems to be relieving some pressure. Nothing other to report health wise.
Roseville Police was at the hospital today working on their reports of the accident. Vicki talked with them a while. Some clarifications were told as to what happened.
The other vehicle was a Toyota Highlander stopped at a red light. The driver had a passenger in the vehicle. She apparently had brief time to notice in her rear view that Allan was coming and coming fast and not going to be able to stop.
There are over 100 feet of skid marks from Allan braking. He tried to turn and just barely clipped her vehicle on the back right side. The damage was minor. No mention of a "popped tire" on her vehicle was made as previously was thought. Her and passenger were uninjured.
His bike bucked him up in the air at this point and he flew about 10-15 feet up, and landed in front of her vehicle...likely on his right side. He immediately sat up and they had to force him to lay down and be still.
People at the scene have shown pictures of these things. Everyone has a camera on their cell phone now so there apparantly is more than one video/photo. Of course none of these are things we have seen, but this is just from the officers doing the report to help with clarity.
I'd like to get down to the hospital this evening and sit with dad for while. There are still issues with people calling or actually making their way inside. It saddens me deeply. It seems selfish to me. Certain people are making it about them, when it's just really not. Allan's health-his life hang in the balance and yet people somehow feel justified because of thier pain. As if we don't all feel it. It really sucks. A part of me is tempted to make it public knowledge just exactly who can't get on board and include phone numbers and addressess. But that is just my frustration with the ordeal so I stay silent.
I know in my heart how badly this hurts all of us. And I mean ALL. I know how badly everyone involved is hurting. I don't think Allan would want all of this right now. It's too much. I believe with all my being that he would agree to the very short list of hand holders we made. We worked hard with several neutral parties to make a phase one list and a phase two list. We made these lists according to what Allan would want. We were fair. We were all on board. It's not phase two yet, and phase two people are trying to bulldog in. I hope and pray he doesn't feel the effects of it all...and yet that would also mean he's not there enough to feel the effects of any of it.
There's another meeting with his social worker at some point today-at least via the telephone for me. I'm not happy about the security issues, and although they are sick of having to deal with it, so are we. It's so sad and so immature that it comes down to this.
Continuing to pray that the Lord Allan knows and loves will guide us in all our decisions. Humans lets us down. God just Is. And...I know, He's watching.
Roseville Police was at the hospital today working on their reports of the accident. Vicki talked with them a while. Some clarifications were told as to what happened.
The other vehicle was a Toyota Highlander stopped at a red light. The driver had a passenger in the vehicle. She apparently had brief time to notice in her rear view that Allan was coming and coming fast and not going to be able to stop.
There are over 100 feet of skid marks from Allan braking. He tried to turn and just barely clipped her vehicle on the back right side. The damage was minor. No mention of a "popped tire" on her vehicle was made as previously was thought. Her and passenger were uninjured.
His bike bucked him up in the air at this point and he flew about 10-15 feet up, and landed in front of her vehicle...likely on his right side. He immediately sat up and they had to force him to lay down and be still.
People at the scene have shown pictures of these things. Everyone has a camera on their cell phone now so there apparantly is more than one video/photo. Of course none of these are things we have seen, but this is just from the officers doing the report to help with clarity.
I'd like to get down to the hospital this evening and sit with dad for while. There are still issues with people calling or actually making their way inside. It saddens me deeply. It seems selfish to me. Certain people are making it about them, when it's just really not. Allan's health-his life hang in the balance and yet people somehow feel justified because of thier pain. As if we don't all feel it. It really sucks. A part of me is tempted to make it public knowledge just exactly who can't get on board and include phone numbers and addressess. But that is just my frustration with the ordeal so I stay silent.
I know in my heart how badly this hurts all of us. And I mean ALL. I know how badly everyone involved is hurting. I don't think Allan would want all of this right now. It's too much. I believe with all my being that he would agree to the very short list of hand holders we made. We worked hard with several neutral parties to make a phase one list and a phase two list. We made these lists according to what Allan would want. We were fair. We were all on board. It's not phase two yet, and phase two people are trying to bulldog in. I hope and pray he doesn't feel the effects of it all...and yet that would also mean he's not there enough to feel the effects of any of it.
There's another meeting with his social worker at some point today-at least via the telephone for me. I'm not happy about the security issues, and although they are sick of having to deal with it, so are we. It's so sad and so immature that it comes down to this.
Continuing to pray that the Lord Allan knows and loves will guide us in all our decisions. Humans lets us down. God just Is. And...I know, He's watching.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
late night check in
If you're only reading the blog once a day, you should scroll down and be sure you didn't miss a post.
It's 11pm. I called just to see.
The procedure was completed earlier this evening. His night nurse said: "His brain pressures are still very unstable right now to be honest." His fever is still present. He is struggling with his blood pressure as well. I know they adjust medications for those things so I don't worry about them as much.
I'm at a loss at what else to say. There isn't much at this point. Everything feels pretty numb.
His little dog barks now everytime I walk by. She's yelling at me. I wrap her little body with non functional leggies up in a towel. She's my doggie burrito. I curl around my youngest baby boy who will turn one in three short weeks with litle Corkie smack in the middle of us. I watch them both sleep so peacefully and I pray that God will grant me a little bit of rest too.
It's 11pm. I called just to see.
The procedure was completed earlier this evening. His night nurse said: "His brain pressures are still very unstable right now to be honest." His fever is still present. He is struggling with his blood pressure as well. I know they adjust medications for those things so I don't worry about them as much.
I'm at a loss at what else to say. There isn't much at this point. Everything feels pretty numb.
His little dog barks now everytime I walk by. She's yelling at me. I wrap her little body with non functional leggies up in a towel. She's my doggie burrito. I curl around my youngest baby boy who will turn one in three short weeks with litle Corkie smack in the middle of us. I watch them both sleep so peacefully and I pray that God will grant me a little bit of rest too.
This is very grim.
Another sit down was called for today. Let me say they laid it out on the table. They offered the three of us making his medical decisions to let go today. We unanimously are not willing to go there at this point. We are three days out. If there is a chance...we are giving it to him. His entire medical staff are working their ...everything they have to help him in this fight. And, I mean everything.
Here is the straight out truth. This is not a best guess. This is it.
One. There is significant injury. Just from impact Allan should have died by morning. Had they not immediately removed a large portion of his skull to make room, he would be gone.
Two. He now has a large bleed in his right brain. His stroke has also bled into the ventricles of his brain. (spaces in the middle-you can google "ventricles"-wikipedia has great pictures to help with clarity) This is called a CVA bleed for those of you who speak medical.
The right side of Al's brain is totally robbed of blood, oxygen, nutrients and is in short useless. If you recall high school biology-right brain controls left side of body, and thus left brain controls right side of body. So Al's left side, at very best would have minor movement....with intensive therapy. Most likely it would just be unmoveable. This is permanent. That damage is already done.
I wish I could say that was it. I can deal with half of Big Al. I could deal with the months or years of therapy, and finding help for him with daily living activities. I wish that were all. But it's not. The side that's robbed and dying, is sucking in fluids and causing more swelling. It's pushing the side that was only bruised up against the other side of his skull. That's cutting off blood supply to that side.
His brain is 8 centimeters off of midline to the left side. Yesterday it was only 5. It's swollen so badly it is protruding out of the hole they made.
Bruised brain. Brain off center. Brain shrinking on one side attracting fluid, and pushing on the other side. Brain leaking into the center. Brain coming out the hole. I'm not trying to be mean or shocking, but there is literally brain everywhere. I thought if I heard brain one more time I was gonna be sick. And I don't get sick easily.
Additionally-All of Allan's ribs are broken in at least two places as well as his clavicle. He has what is called a "flail" lung injury. Blood was leaking into his lung at impact and the lung was leaking air. He has a chest tube in. But that's just not how lungs are supposed to work.
Allan's lung x-rays are not good either. His lung testing shows significant decline...they believe and are expecting pneumonia.
We-his family and Vicki and I all want to and are giving Big Al the "shot in the dark"-a procedure called a ventriculostomy. It will be performed this evening. This is a much deeper tube into the center of his brain to allow drainage. It can't reverse anything that's been done. It's a last ditch attempt to relieve pressure.
The social worker today told us we would be meeting with the most optimistic Doctor on staff. The most optimistic doctor on staff told us word for word "Allan's chances of survival are poor, even if we do this ventriculostomy. And, I do agree with yesterday's Doctor that Allan no way will walk out of here with a number more than three. Three is a very high hope."
We are signing everything we can and consenting to anything they can do. The hurdles Allan needs to jump are increasing and he's not yet gotten over the first one. It is frustrating. It is not fair.
This sucks and it sucks bad. I just stand at his bedside, my hand slipped into that big ol bear paw. I want more than anything in the world...more than anything in the whole wide world -just a portion of my dad to come back. I don't want to give up on him, I don't want to give up hope. None of us do. Yet, I don't want to stand in his way either. I pray for answers. We give him everything we've got and wish that he somehow could make that be enough. His sweet sister tells him to fight like he did in Nam. He made it through two rounds of service over there...And maybe he is. Big Al- "Duck" hit the ground, and he hit it hard. We are helping him every way we know how. We've got his back in any way that we can. It's up to him now. It's up to him and God. I imagine they are having a sit down right about now. And it's we who wait for the conference to be over and the results to be told.
...
Tomorrow-although they were "separated" Vicki and Allan-my mom and dad- would be married 15 years. Vicki went home tonight, and there was a large mail package on her doorstep from Allan. She carried it inside and opened it, knowing full well it was sent-obviously last week. A striking hot pair of red high heel shoes stared up at her. "Happy anniversary Missy Vicki" it said.
Oh God, do we wish on all the stars...
Here is the straight out truth. This is not a best guess. This is it.
One. There is significant injury. Just from impact Allan should have died by morning. Had they not immediately removed a large portion of his skull to make room, he would be gone.
Two. He now has a large bleed in his right brain. His stroke has also bled into the ventricles of his brain. (spaces in the middle-you can google "ventricles"-wikipedia has great pictures to help with clarity) This is called a CVA bleed for those of you who speak medical.
The right side of Al's brain is totally robbed of blood, oxygen, nutrients and is in short useless. If you recall high school biology-right brain controls left side of body, and thus left brain controls right side of body. So Al's left side, at very best would have minor movement....with intensive therapy. Most likely it would just be unmoveable. This is permanent. That damage is already done.
I wish I could say that was it. I can deal with half of Big Al. I could deal with the months or years of therapy, and finding help for him with daily living activities. I wish that were all. But it's not. The side that's robbed and dying, is sucking in fluids and causing more swelling. It's pushing the side that was only bruised up against the other side of his skull. That's cutting off blood supply to that side.
His brain is 8 centimeters off of midline to the left side. Yesterday it was only 5. It's swollen so badly it is protruding out of the hole they made.
Bruised brain. Brain off center. Brain shrinking on one side attracting fluid, and pushing on the other side. Brain leaking into the center. Brain coming out the hole. I'm not trying to be mean or shocking, but there is literally brain everywhere. I thought if I heard brain one more time I was gonna be sick. And I don't get sick easily.
Additionally-All of Allan's ribs are broken in at least two places as well as his clavicle. He has what is called a "flail" lung injury. Blood was leaking into his lung at impact and the lung was leaking air. He has a chest tube in. But that's just not how lungs are supposed to work.
Allan's lung x-rays are not good either. His lung testing shows significant decline...they believe and are expecting pneumonia.
We-his family and Vicki and I all want to and are giving Big Al the "shot in the dark"-a procedure called a ventriculostomy. It will be performed this evening. This is a much deeper tube into the center of his brain to allow drainage. It can't reverse anything that's been done. It's a last ditch attempt to relieve pressure.
The social worker today told us we would be meeting with the most optimistic Doctor on staff. The most optimistic doctor on staff told us word for word "Allan's chances of survival are poor, even if we do this ventriculostomy. And, I do agree with yesterday's Doctor that Allan no way will walk out of here with a number more than three. Three is a very high hope."
We are signing everything we can and consenting to anything they can do. The hurdles Allan needs to jump are increasing and he's not yet gotten over the first one. It is frustrating. It is not fair.
This sucks and it sucks bad. I just stand at his bedside, my hand slipped into that big ol bear paw. I want more than anything in the world...more than anything in the whole wide world -just a portion of my dad to come back. I don't want to give up on him, I don't want to give up hope. None of us do. Yet, I don't want to stand in his way either. I pray for answers. We give him everything we've got and wish that he somehow could make that be enough. His sweet sister tells him to fight like he did in Nam. He made it through two rounds of service over there...And maybe he is. Big Al- "Duck" hit the ground, and he hit it hard. We are helping him every way we know how. We've got his back in any way that we can. It's up to him now. It's up to him and God. I imagine they are having a sit down right about now. And it's we who wait for the conference to be over and the results to be told.
...
Tomorrow-although they were "separated" Vicki and Allan-my mom and dad- would be married 15 years. Vicki went home tonight, and there was a large mail package on her doorstep from Allan. She carried it inside and opened it, knowing full well it was sent-obviously last week. A striking hot pair of red high heel shoes stared up at her. "Happy anniversary Missy Vicki" it said.
Oh God, do we wish on all the stars...
Wednesday Morning
Nurses report at 7am: blood pressure holding steady, cranial pressure holding steady, fever reported at 100.8 That's better than waking up to a doctors order to get my tush down there right now. I'll take it.
Allan will have a CT scan at some point this morning. (in the medical field "this morning" means sometime today) We may or may not have results of that scan today. It will give us a better picture of if damage is still happening, or if damage is already done and we are moving on. I don't know how much detailed information we will get from this scan. Likely-not much.
We most certainly will not be able to give Big Al a "grade" or number until...if/when he is able to wake up on his own. And that will be when we get the most information.
So, CT scan today. We pray for his fever and that whatever is causing his fever will just be gone. Other than that we just hold steady and I will update with another check in this evening, or CT results if we get them today, or of course should things change in any direction.
I know that Vicki as well as another person on his list intend on seeing him today. I will go down there this evening, IF it seems it won't be too much for him. So he is covered in the "You are loved and not alone" department.
That means I can wash my pants today and not wear my pajamas in public the rest of the week. Perhaps I can put my groceries in the cupboards. I can give Corkie Bear some extra huggles.
I walked in the door after dropping kids off at school this morning and she barked her head off at me. The first she's said since we got her. That means she thinks she owns that corner of my kitchen now and I'm gutsy for coming in her space. She's got her pep back and isn't hiding in her blanket anymore. This silly little two pound disabled dog with so much spirit. I know why he loves her so much.
Putting one foot in front of the other.
Love ~Randi Fay
Allan will have a CT scan at some point this morning. (in the medical field "this morning" means sometime today) We may or may not have results of that scan today. It will give us a better picture of if damage is still happening, or if damage is already done and we are moving on. I don't know how much detailed information we will get from this scan. Likely-not much.
We most certainly will not be able to give Big Al a "grade" or number until...if/when he is able to wake up on his own. And that will be when we get the most information.
So, CT scan today. We pray for his fever and that whatever is causing his fever will just be gone. Other than that we just hold steady and I will update with another check in this evening, or CT results if we get them today, or of course should things change in any direction.
I know that Vicki as well as another person on his list intend on seeing him today. I will go down there this evening, IF it seems it won't be too much for him. So he is covered in the "You are loved and not alone" department.
That means I can wash my pants today and not wear my pajamas in public the rest of the week. Perhaps I can put my groceries in the cupboards. I can give Corkie Bear some extra huggles.
I walked in the door after dropping kids off at school this morning and she barked her head off at me. The first she's said since we got her. That means she thinks she owns that corner of my kitchen now and I'm gutsy for coming in her space. She's got her pep back and isn't hiding in her blanket anymore. This silly little two pound disabled dog with so much spirit. I know why he loves her so much.
Putting one foot in front of the other.
Love ~Randi Fay
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
checked in before bed
He's holding steady for tonight. Of course it is with much medications and assistance but his cranial pressure is "good." His temp is 99.7. All else is the same.
It has been a big blessing the last 24 hours to receive such outpouring of love and well wishes here and by email. I don't know you all, I likely can't reply to you all...but it is my honor to receive all the love Big Al has poured out during his life and channel it, in some way back to him in his time of need.
It is so big.
Goodnight friends ~will update tomorrow~
Randi Fay
It has been a big blessing the last 24 hours to receive such outpouring of love and well wishes here and by email. I don't know you all, I likely can't reply to you all...but it is my honor to receive all the love Big Al has poured out during his life and channel it, in some way back to him in his time of need.
It is so big.
Goodnight friends ~will update tomorrow~
Randi Fay
Update for Tuesday afternoon.
This morning, within minutes of my blog post about visitors, the immediate family was called to Allan's bedside by his physician. We were called there to hear a current, non emotional reality check. We were also called there because we needed to set it in stone and make it very clear who, what and when would be allowed to visit Allan.
Let's start with that. We deliberated very deeply what Allan would want if he could tell us, and whom Allan would want right by his side. With VERY limited availability we had to narrow it down especially right now. There are Five people we are permitted to see Allan. Those five people have been notified and have a password. If you do not-I am sorry. These were VERY hard decisions to make and took over two hours of deliberation with the assistance of a clinical social worker. The list of whom will make medical decisions about Allan is a short list of 3. This is set in stone. Please remember this is for right now. For right now today these things are set in stone. AS SOON AS THINGS CHANGE in the visitor department I WILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO TELL YOU!!! Cross my heart and promise with all my being!
Now, let me talk about his health. First and foremost, Allan has a high fever today. He has an infection. We do not know where. They were taking samples of lung goop when we arrived to test, and specifically said let's pray it's not respiratory. This is one of the very reasons we have cut his visitors so short. He absolutely needs minimal contact right now. There is still a whole ritual that involves scrubbing and gloving and gowning just to step foot over the threshold into his room.
The doctor today had a sit down with us, and placed the cards on the table so to speak. This is his wording...
As a result of the trauma to his brain, Allan has a large subdural hematoma. This is a big fat blood clot under the dura-which is the lining that covers the brain. This hematoma has taken up a lot of space on one side of his brain and caused his brand to have a "midline shift" and push on other parts of Allans brain. Because of this shift one of the arteries that supplies blood to the brain has pressure on it. In essence Allan is having a long three day stroke.
Let's talk stroke. We all have stories about grandma or auntie or a relative that has had a stroke. In those particular strokes, a blood clot in inside a artery or vessel and cuts off blood supply to a portion of the brain. Those most familiar with that situation know that what area of the brain was cut off from it's blood supply will in short affect that area of the persons life. So if the area responsible for speech is cut off, then that area of the brain dies and the person will have trouble with speech from then on.
The type of stroke Allan is having is not a clot in the artery. It is pressure among MANY area's of blood flow to his brain. As various areas of brain tissue die, more fluid and blood attempts to flood the area causing more and more pressure and there is a vicious cycle that starts. They are combating this as best they can with medications. When I arrived Allans pressure was at 28. When I left it was back down to 17.
The sedation he is on is very short time sedation. That means they can not give it to him and it will wear off rather quickly. They can then test his responses and sedate him again. When it was allowed to wear off this morning Allan's cranial pressure went, in the doctors own words: "Through the roof." He didn't give a specific number.
Allan's pupils were not dilating today.
Additionally Allan has multiple cerebral contusions. This means several areas of his brain are bruised. And a significant crush injury to the right side of his chest.
Currently the physicians involved in Allan's case are very concerned that if he were to survive this injury, his prognosis is likely to be very poor.
There is a scale of five numbers. People leave this trauma unit with a rating of either 1,2,3,4 or 5. A level five person is normal. They will walk, talk, remember, go back to work and live the rest of their life with a great horror story to tell. A number four will need assistance in a few areas. Parts will be missing in memory and general behavior traits. They may or may not be able to hold a basic job of some sort. Three will need daily assistance with common tasks like toileting, eating...everything you do from the time you wake up in the morning. The difference between one and two...a number two person can open their eyes on their own. So, your talking nursing home bed ridden.
The most likely outcome for Allan from the best prediction the Physician can give us is a 1,2 or 3. If Allan pulls through this, he absolutely will not be the person we all know and are thinking of. The doctor advised us all to understand this fully. We don't have to like it. We all stumbled down the hall numb. And he said it will take a while to sink in. But this is the reality of Allan's injury.
I took a picture of him today. It is not a pretty picture. This is a picture of our reality right now. I am going to leave a lot of space between these words and the picture for those that would rather just not see it. If you are one of those, then this is the end of the post, I will not put further information below. As far as those of us dealing with this full impact-Chris, Vicki and Randi...we are covered with family that is holding us up well and are grateful for all the offers of help. We will get back to people should we need to accept those offers. Please understand a lack of response justs means we are very well taken care of and not that we didn't get your messages or feel your love. Thank you to all for so much love and well wishes. I will return to Allan tomorrow. I will hold his hand again and I will tell him again that we all love him so much and we are all--ALL here. I will do so every day until I'm told not to. If he's there at all...he knows. He knows. Please treasure the people in your life today...
space filler for those that are done....
...
...
...
...
These photos can be double clicked to enlarge them a bit for those of us with old eyes.
Let's start with that. We deliberated very deeply what Allan would want if he could tell us, and whom Allan would want right by his side. With VERY limited availability we had to narrow it down especially right now. There are Five people we are permitted to see Allan. Those five people have been notified and have a password. If you do not-I am sorry. These were VERY hard decisions to make and took over two hours of deliberation with the assistance of a clinical social worker. The list of whom will make medical decisions about Allan is a short list of 3. This is set in stone. Please remember this is for right now. For right now today these things are set in stone. AS SOON AS THINGS CHANGE in the visitor department I WILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO TELL YOU!!! Cross my heart and promise with all my being!
Now, let me talk about his health. First and foremost, Allan has a high fever today. He has an infection. We do not know where. They were taking samples of lung goop when we arrived to test, and specifically said let's pray it's not respiratory. This is one of the very reasons we have cut his visitors so short. He absolutely needs minimal contact right now. There is still a whole ritual that involves scrubbing and gloving and gowning just to step foot over the threshold into his room.
The doctor today had a sit down with us, and placed the cards on the table so to speak. This is his wording...
As a result of the trauma to his brain, Allan has a large subdural hematoma. This is a big fat blood clot under the dura-which is the lining that covers the brain. This hematoma has taken up a lot of space on one side of his brain and caused his brand to have a "midline shift" and push on other parts of Allans brain. Because of this shift one of the arteries that supplies blood to the brain has pressure on it. In essence Allan is having a long three day stroke.
Let's talk stroke. We all have stories about grandma or auntie or a relative that has had a stroke. In those particular strokes, a blood clot in inside a artery or vessel and cuts off blood supply to a portion of the brain. Those most familiar with that situation know that what area of the brain was cut off from it's blood supply will in short affect that area of the persons life. So if the area responsible for speech is cut off, then that area of the brain dies and the person will have trouble with speech from then on.
The type of stroke Allan is having is not a clot in the artery. It is pressure among MANY area's of blood flow to his brain. As various areas of brain tissue die, more fluid and blood attempts to flood the area causing more and more pressure and there is a vicious cycle that starts. They are combating this as best they can with medications. When I arrived Allans pressure was at 28. When I left it was back down to 17.
The sedation he is on is very short time sedation. That means they can not give it to him and it will wear off rather quickly. They can then test his responses and sedate him again. When it was allowed to wear off this morning Allan's cranial pressure went, in the doctors own words: "Through the roof." He didn't give a specific number.
Allan's pupils were not dilating today.
Additionally Allan has multiple cerebral contusions. This means several areas of his brain are bruised. And a significant crush injury to the right side of his chest.
Currently the physicians involved in Allan's case are very concerned that if he were to survive this injury, his prognosis is likely to be very poor.
There is a scale of five numbers. People leave this trauma unit with a rating of either 1,2,3,4 or 5. A level five person is normal. They will walk, talk, remember, go back to work and live the rest of their life with a great horror story to tell. A number four will need assistance in a few areas. Parts will be missing in memory and general behavior traits. They may or may not be able to hold a basic job of some sort. Three will need daily assistance with common tasks like toileting, eating...everything you do from the time you wake up in the morning. The difference between one and two...a number two person can open their eyes on their own. So, your talking nursing home bed ridden.
The most likely outcome for Allan from the best prediction the Physician can give us is a 1,2 or 3. If Allan pulls through this, he absolutely will not be the person we all know and are thinking of. The doctor advised us all to understand this fully. We don't have to like it. We all stumbled down the hall numb. And he said it will take a while to sink in. But this is the reality of Allan's injury.
I took a picture of him today. It is not a pretty picture. This is a picture of our reality right now. I am going to leave a lot of space between these words and the picture for those that would rather just not see it. If you are one of those, then this is the end of the post, I will not put further information below. As far as those of us dealing with this full impact-Chris, Vicki and Randi...we are covered with family that is holding us up well and are grateful for all the offers of help. We will get back to people should we need to accept those offers. Please understand a lack of response justs means we are very well taken care of and not that we didn't get your messages or feel your love. Thank you to all for so much love and well wishes. I will return to Allan tomorrow. I will hold his hand again and I will tell him again that we all love him so much and we are all--ALL here. I will do so every day until I'm told not to. If he's there at all...he knows. He knows. Please treasure the people in your life today...
space filler for those that are done....
...
...
...
...
These photos can be double clicked to enlarge them a bit for those of us with old eyes.
Tuesday Morning.
I would like to restress...NO ONE can visit Allan right now. People are still showing up...people are calling-that they are his bestest friends in the world and need the passcode to get into his trauma unit and into his room. I don't want to burst anyones bubble here, be you are ALL his bestest friends-he's such a teddy bear that he just adores everyone around him!
Pushing the visiting issue is doing little more than frustrating the nurses that have to, on an hourly basis explain the no visitor policy. Calling the people who have the passwords merely wastes their time as well.
I'm not trying to be rude, but very clear. Allan is as sick as sick gets. It doesn't get much worse than this. We all love him. We ALL want him to feel better.
Please please either contact me if you just can't sit still, or sit on your hands. If I can do it-you can do it!
Will update on his health within a couple hours-waiting on word from some doctors this morning.
-With Love
Randi Fay
Pushing the visiting issue is doing little more than frustrating the nurses that have to, on an hourly basis explain the no visitor policy. Calling the people who have the passwords merely wastes their time as well.
I'm not trying to be rude, but very clear. Allan is as sick as sick gets. It doesn't get much worse than this. We all love him. We ALL want him to feel better.
Please please either contact me if you just can't sit still, or sit on your hands. If I can do it-you can do it!
Will update on his health within a couple hours-waiting on word from some doctors this morning.
-With Love
Randi Fay
Monday, April 27, 2009
This Evening
I just spent a good hour with Allan. He was receiving a unit of blood as we were there. His arm was being splinted (right elbow fracture) it will require surgery once he is more stable. His right clavicle (collar bone) is broken in two places and may require surgery.
Is he brain dead?
Answer: No. He can maintain his own blood pressure and temperature. Brain dead people don't do that.
When the sedation was allowed to wear off and Allan was pinched very very hard, he did move his right arm a few inches in response. It is not at all as much as they want to see, but it is something.
This morning his pupils would not dilate. This evening they are showing some response to bright light, and dilating.
His oxygen started at 60% and is down in the high thirties. (we are aiming for room air)
He has several fractures in the thoracic vertebrae and one in the C2 vertebrae-directly under the skull. They do NOT affect his spinal cord. The biggest injury is his brain.
In the next few days we want him to begin to be ticked off when that sedation wears off. He needs to show that he can feel pain and go from being sedated, to being on pain meds. We want him to be more there than just maintaining his blood pressure and temperature. But right now he needs rest.
His cranial pressure is under 20. Which is good. They explained you can make your own pressure in your brain rise to 10 by standing on your head. At level 20 they have to take other measures-medications, position changes etc to lower that pressure, and it often does other damage to the body that is not good. Allans current pressures were between 17 and 19 during our visit. It has been just over 24 hours from his accident. The swelling very well could get worse in the next 24-48 hours. We don't want that cranial pressure to rise. Please pray specifically for that issue.
We were given his clothes from the accident. Allan was in full leather. Chaps, vest and jacket. Tee shirt and jeans underneath. ALL of his clothing was cut from him. His snaps are scratched very deep. His helmet is cracked and scratched very badly and did have blood on it. There was little...very little padding inside his helmet. Over a thousand dollars worth of leather and a piece of crap 20 year old helmet with a visor duck taped on it. He and I are gonna have a talk about this some day...
About Visiting...
There are two issues that need to be VERY CLEAR. Just touching Allan causes his body to do extra work to process being touched. He is working hard right now just to maintain. He truly needs a couple days of straight out resting. Rest is good for your body. He NEEDS it.
Secondly-there is a horrible SWINE FLU that is CONFIRMED in Sacramento and Placer county...these are the counties where Allan is. Schools are being shut down due to this flu. We had to fully scrub down with alcohol and wear gowns and gloves just to stand at his bedside.
Allan is stripped down to a sheet covering his boy parts. He has a gauze helmet. There are tubes and wires and nurses everywhere. As much as I know it is hard to not be able to see him with your own eyes and that you wouldn't care about his body exposure, please understand that he needs his privacy, he needs his rest, his nurses need to be concerned with his health first and foremost and not screening people and calls. We HAVE to keep that flu out of his room.
I told Allan myself how much he is loved by all of you out there. I cried when I did because it is such big love from so many people...but please know that he is being told every time we talk to him just how much he is loved. He has small pictures of his Dog and his Grandsons by his bedside should he open his eyes. Should he not (which is more likely) at least his nurses can talk to him about those people.
Please please do your best to check here for updates. I can be emailed at RandiFayPayton@gmail.com but I cannot guarantee a quick response. Big Al is damn near a celebrity!
I told him I would come back tomorrow. We will be meeting with his doctor sometime on Wednesday for some question and answer sessions and where the heck we go from at that point.
I promise I will update within minutes of getting new information. I will talk to his nurse in the morning after shift change and after he gets a chance to get some new vitals and such on Al. KEEP PRAYING! Much love
Randi Fay (and Corky)
Is he brain dead?
Answer: No. He can maintain his own blood pressure and temperature. Brain dead people don't do that.
When the sedation was allowed to wear off and Allan was pinched very very hard, he did move his right arm a few inches in response. It is not at all as much as they want to see, but it is something.
This morning his pupils would not dilate. This evening they are showing some response to bright light, and dilating.
His oxygen started at 60% and is down in the high thirties. (we are aiming for room air)
He has several fractures in the thoracic vertebrae and one in the C2 vertebrae-directly under the skull. They do NOT affect his spinal cord. The biggest injury is his brain.
In the next few days we want him to begin to be ticked off when that sedation wears off. He needs to show that he can feel pain and go from being sedated, to being on pain meds. We want him to be more there than just maintaining his blood pressure and temperature. But right now he needs rest.
His cranial pressure is under 20. Which is good. They explained you can make your own pressure in your brain rise to 10 by standing on your head. At level 20 they have to take other measures-medications, position changes etc to lower that pressure, and it often does other damage to the body that is not good. Allans current pressures were between 17 and 19 during our visit. It has been just over 24 hours from his accident. The swelling very well could get worse in the next 24-48 hours. We don't want that cranial pressure to rise. Please pray specifically for that issue.
We were given his clothes from the accident. Allan was in full leather. Chaps, vest and jacket. Tee shirt and jeans underneath. ALL of his clothing was cut from him. His snaps are scratched very deep. His helmet is cracked and scratched very badly and did have blood on it. There was little...very little padding inside his helmet. Over a thousand dollars worth of leather and a piece of crap 20 year old helmet with a visor duck taped on it. He and I are gonna have a talk about this some day...
About Visiting...
There are two issues that need to be VERY CLEAR. Just touching Allan causes his body to do extra work to process being touched. He is working hard right now just to maintain. He truly needs a couple days of straight out resting. Rest is good for your body. He NEEDS it.
Secondly-there is a horrible SWINE FLU that is CONFIRMED in Sacramento and Placer county...these are the counties where Allan is. Schools are being shut down due to this flu. We had to fully scrub down with alcohol and wear gowns and gloves just to stand at his bedside.
Allan is stripped down to a sheet covering his boy parts. He has a gauze helmet. There are tubes and wires and nurses everywhere. As much as I know it is hard to not be able to see him with your own eyes and that you wouldn't care about his body exposure, please understand that he needs his privacy, he needs his rest, his nurses need to be concerned with his health first and foremost and not screening people and calls. We HAVE to keep that flu out of his room.
I told Allan myself how much he is loved by all of you out there. I cried when I did because it is such big love from so many people...but please know that he is being told every time we talk to him just how much he is loved. He has small pictures of his Dog and his Grandsons by his bedside should he open his eyes. Should he not (which is more likely) at least his nurses can talk to him about those people.
Please please do your best to check here for updates. I can be emailed at RandiFayPayton@gmail.com but I cannot guarantee a quick response. Big Al is damn near a celebrity!
I told him I would come back tomorrow. We will be meeting with his doctor sometime on Wednesday for some question and answer sessions and where the heck we go from at that point.
I promise I will update within minutes of getting new information. I will talk to his nurse in the morning after shift change and after he gets a chance to get some new vitals and such on Al. KEEP PRAYING! Much love
Randi Fay (and Corky)
The Little Dog
There's been concern about lil Corky and Allan's house. Al's room mate Dave is the only one there. All is well and safe.
Corky is with me and is cuddled up with her mommy dog Nina. They are happy and snug.
Corky is with me and is cuddled up with her mommy dog Nina. They are happy and snug.
First update
Noon
An attempt was made to wake Allan and check his consciousness after allowing his sedation to wear off.
He was completely unresponsive.
A central line is being placed directly above Allans heart for medications. He is at very high risk for blood clots in his legs.
He is having filters placed in the large arteries of his legs to filter out blood clots.
They are for now just trying to keep him stable.
Things look very grim.
Our God is Big. We pray. We wait.
An attempt was made to wake Allan and check his consciousness after allowing his sedation to wear off.
He was completely unresponsive.
A central line is being placed directly above Allans heart for medications. He is at very high risk for blood clots in his legs.
He is having filters placed in the large arteries of his legs to filter out blood clots.
They are for now just trying to keep him stable.
Things look very grim.
Our God is Big. We pray. We wait.
Monday April 27th, 2009
In short, for those of you just catching up on what's going on...
Allan was in a bad motor cycle accident around 6pm on Sunday (yesterday). He was rushed to the hospital and is in Critical Condition in the Neuro ICU. He has 9 broken ribs, dislocated elbow, finger and toe breaks. It was said "he broke his back" but is not paralyzed. Part of his skull was removed so that his brain can swell and drain fluids. They will replace the missing piece when it comes time to patch him up. In the meantime it is incubating in his abdomen (normal procedures). His right eye is swollen shut and dark blue/black. His injuries to his body are not life threatening. Today they will be allowing his sedation to wear off and will do a basic neuro test.
Police yesterday said he was talking at the scene of the accident. Paramedics however say he was responsive but could not talk.
It is confirmed Allan had on a helmet-as always. He had on a leather jacket as well according to his nurse, but it may have been more of a vest.
I will post again as soon as I hear further information and am able to update. You may ask questions or leave comments, prayers etc on this blog. We will monitor them and thank you all for your support during this very difficult time!
Grandpa and Ollie a few weeks ago.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)