This is very grim.

Another sit down was called for today. Let me say they laid it out on the table. They offered the three of us making his medical decisions to let go today. We unanimously are not willing to go there at this point. We are three days out. If there is a chance...we are giving it to him. His entire medical staff are working their ...everything they have to help him in this fight. And, I mean everything.

Here is the straight out truth. This is not a best guess. This is it.

One. There is significant injury. Just from impact Allan should have died by morning. Had they not immediately removed a large portion of his skull to make room, he would be gone.

Two. He now has a large bleed in his right brain. His stroke has also bled into the ventricles of his brain. (spaces in the middle-you can google "ventricles"-wikipedia has great pictures to help with clarity) This is called a CVA bleed for those of you who speak medical.

The right side of Al's brain is totally robbed of blood, oxygen, nutrients and is in short useless. If you recall high school biology-right brain controls left side of body, and thus left brain controls right side of body. So Al's left side, at very best would have minor movement....with intensive therapy. Most likely it would just be unmoveable. This is permanent. That damage is already done.

I wish I could say that was it. I can deal with half of Big Al. I could deal with the months or years of therapy, and finding help for him with daily living activities. I wish that were all. But it's not. The side that's robbed and dying, is sucking in fluids and causing more swelling. It's pushing the side that was only bruised up against the other side of his skull. That's cutting off blood supply to that side.

His brain is 8 centimeters off of midline to the left side. Yesterday it was only 5. It's swollen so badly it is protruding out of the hole they made.

Bruised brain. Brain off center. Brain shrinking on one side attracting fluid, and pushing on the other side. Brain leaking into the center. Brain coming out the hole. I'm not trying to be mean or shocking, but there is literally brain everywhere. I thought if I heard brain one more time I was gonna be sick. And I don't get sick easily.

Additionally-All of Allan's ribs are broken in at least two places as well as his clavicle. He has what is called a "flail" lung injury. Blood was leaking into his lung at impact and the lung was leaking air. He has a chest tube in. But that's just not how lungs are supposed to work.
Allan's lung x-rays are not good either. His lung testing shows significant decline...they believe and are expecting pneumonia.

We-his family and Vicki and I all want to and are giving Big Al the "shot in the dark"-a procedure called a ventriculostomy. It will be performed this evening. This is a much deeper tube into the center of his brain to allow drainage. It can't reverse anything that's been done. It's a last ditch attempt to relieve pressure.

The social worker today told us we would be meeting with the most optimistic Doctor on staff. The most optimistic doctor on staff told us word for word "Allan's chances of survival are poor, even if we do this ventriculostomy. And, I do agree with yesterday's Doctor that Allan no way will walk out of here with a number more than three. Three is a very high hope."

We are signing everything we can and consenting to anything they can do. The hurdles Allan needs to jump are increasing and he's not yet gotten over the first one. It is frustrating. It is not fair.

This sucks and it sucks bad. I just stand at his bedside, my hand slipped into that big ol bear paw. I want more than anything in the world...more than anything in the whole wide world -just a portion of my dad to come back. I don't want to give up on him, I don't want to give up hope. None of us do. Yet, I don't want to stand in his way either. I pray for answers. We give him everything we've got and wish that he somehow could make that be enough. His sweet sister tells him to fight like he did in Nam. He made it through two rounds of service over there...And maybe he is. Big Al- "Duck" hit the ground, and he hit it hard. We are helping him every way we know how. We've got his back in any way that we can. It's up to him now. It's up to him and God. I imagine they are having a sit down right about now. And it's we who wait for the conference to be over and the results to be told.

...

Tomorrow-although they were "separated" Vicki and Allan-my mom and dad- would be married 15 years. Vicki went home tonight, and there was a large mail package on her doorstep from Allan. She carried it inside and opened it, knowing full well it was sent-obviously last week. A striking hot pair of red high heel shoes stared up at her. "Happy anniversary Missy Vicki" it said.

Oh God, do we wish on all the stars...