Allan's sister Aleta is coming from Washington and will arrive tomorrow afternoon. We look forward to her being present in person in these oh so important meetings.
His fever this evening was up and down averaging 103. He was under cooling blankets, and given tylenol (yeah, tylenol to control fever, even in trauma ICU). Yet, the 103 was persistant.
His cranial pressure was between 17 and 19.
He has a confirmed yeast infection in his mouth.
The ventriculo...--ok, the little post it with that word spelled out is gone from my notes. The "last ditch" procedure they performed....it pulls fluid out of the center of his brain-if I understand correctly it literally removes your spinal/brain fluid to make room. It's sucked into a little tube the size of a small baby bottle (forgive me, that's the most familiar comparison I have) next to his bed.
Still nothing solid about infection causing fever. The neuro said it is likely due to his brain not being able to maintain it.
Of course everything else-lungs, bones etc is the same.
They have special shoes on his feet to keep them bent-they remind me of his crocs, but with more velcro. His legs are wrapped in special equipment to prevent deep vein thrombosis-or him throwing a big blood clot from the legs to the lungs or brain....as if there wasn't enough to worry about.
The hardest part of any of this is that nothing is set in stone. There's no test that can answer the questions we all ask. The medical personnel commit to nothing, and rightfully so.
I come home. I kiss my babies. I pet the dogs. I assure Corkie that I am allowed to go into the kitchen. She assures me with certainty that I am totally wrong.
The words still do not seem to find a way to my fingertips.
So, we await Big Al's little sister with eagerness.
We are all just exhausted. We (my husband and I) made a promise to curl up with the kids and watch Shrek. I don't know how much I will focus, but I will stare at the screen for the sake of normalcy in their little lives.
I hope it is excused that I insert emotions on the blog. Even though the response via email and comments is alot, when it's just me and the "create post" screen it feels so personal . I don't expect everyone to feel what I feel. But I suppose you are forced to experience my perspective just a tad.
I light a candle. On the hierarchy of emotions, just under hope, lies wishing. (at least on my list). I light a candle. I stare at the little flickering orange flame, I watch it slowly melt the wax and I wish with all my being that things were different. The knowledge that they are not brings me to my knees.
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Randi, I have sent you a direct email telling you who I am. I am happy that our buddy and your Father have that special bond. Allan is and always was a Fighter. Your stories and they way you express yourself are very heart felt. He knows this. I will meet you soon and am sorry I didn't meet you today when I was there to see the Big Guy. Your Mom has my info if you should reach out. Again, thank you for doing this for our Friend, Father and Brother. He is and always will be a wonderful Man. Ron Berg - EDH, CA
ReplyDeleteRandi Fay, anyone
ReplyDeleteAllan's storms,your storms, my storms pass, learning to dance in the rain maybe the HP's lesson.
Would 12 steps have any effect? We, I remember Allan as a friend, a collaborator, ray of the light behind the clouds.At the most, least raining on these racing thouhts has them all focused about others. For that I am GRATEFUL
vegibob Armstrong
Randi Fay: I feel like maybe I could help you in some small way with a bit on unsolicited advice. I hardly know you. I have known Allan for about 17 years. AA is strange deal we get close to our fellow AA friends for days like the ones your going through now. I have been in your shoes with my parents. Had to let both go I hope that will not happen with Al. I hate to lose friends. It is in god hands any way. Hope is ok expectation is not so good. Prayer is the best, as long as we ask for his will for others and not our will for ourselves. You see, this is life. We go to work or school, have birthdays ECT. In tragic times like these we are confronted with the opportunity to be of a servant of God. It is so hard I know this is true. We are truly present for others our family and friends. I wonder if you have found yourself comforting others when you could use some for yourself. From your writing I have the idea that you know it is an honor and a privilege to help your father your family and Allan’s friends as you are doing. It is known as living in the solution. I think Allan is proud of you. Your being an example to all of us, thanks, thanks a lot.
ReplyDeleteRandi and family
ReplyDeleteThis is Kirstin and Rob Manley. I do not know what to say, that is, neither Rob nor I have anything to say that can make all of this better for all of you and Allen. I have attempted to post comments on the blogg but by !@$@#%^$%@$#^^$## computer kept logging me off, I am blogtarded.
I will start here. In the eight years Rob and I have been together I have never seen him break down and cry, not at the deaths of his father, my mother, or any of our pets. He broke down and cried today. I cried too, alot. Allen was a wouderfull sponser, friend, and big brother to Rob for many years, the first sponser Rob had and the one thing that kept Rob comming back in the begining. Allen really made time for him. Thanks to Allen being a wounderfull sponser, and Vicki assuring me Rob was a really nice guy and would I please just go out with him once so he would shut up about asking me out, Rob and I were introduced and are married and going strong. Realizing certain people play such a crucial role in the direction and outcome in our lives is humbling, beautiful, and painfull when we face the possibility of loosing them. When I think of all of the rides, the get-to-gethers at the Spiritual ICU known as the Dalquist home, we know that the world has changed forever since this tragedy, in an unoticable way to many on the planet but in a life altering way to the many that know and love Allen and all of you, his family.
I called Heather and left a message stating you can call me at any time if you had questions as Allen's condition and treatment are things I deal with on a daily bases. I feel that your getting both accurate and all of the information is crucial, and from your blogg, it sounds like the docs and RN's have been rigorusly honest with you. The offer to call me if needed is open-ended, any time day or night.
As far as Dr Serious, the next time you sit down with him, ask him to tell you exactly what semester in medical school neurologists and neurosurgions are required to have their humorectomies. They can be so lacking in personality and emotion, I guess God chose to give them intelligence instead. I'd rather be stupid.
I also want to commend and support your decision about visiters and phone calls. I know people mean well, and they are hurting, but the fact is that this tragedy is about Allen, you, and your immediat family. Our job is to pray, pray, pray, and know that if needed, you will call, and that Allen knows, if allowed, he would have aprrox. 500 visiters in his room at once.
I regret that I have not talked to you in so long, and that this life-altering challenge is the reason for my reaching out. Rob deaply regrets not seeing more of Allen in the last couple of years. We are so greatfull for your updates. Do not EVER appologize for discussing your emotions, we are here for you, you are not writing a text book on the treatment of traumatic brain injury, your are very selflessly taking the time to update the many who love and care about Allen and need to know about his condition, progress, or lack ther of. You are still one of the brightest, most articulate and honest ladies I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Please give our love to Vicki, and if you could, when you are visiting Allen, tell him Rob says "Hi, I love you and miss you, and you changed my life for the better in so many ways".
I appologize for the long blogg, I know you are overwhelmed.
All of our love and prayr's
Rob and Kirstin Manley
May you get rest and comfort tonight dear one......you are doing so much for so many. Thank you Randi Fay for being a servant to all and a beautiful example of selflessness. We could not ask for a better voice for Allan.
ReplyDeleteGod is good and loves that big man more then we can know, this is one thing of which we can be certain.
We're here if you need us sweetie.
Love, Auntie Mary
Dear Randi Fay, I've been following along and am really impressed by how diligent you are with keeping us all posted. This has to be probably the hardest thing you've ever done in your life but you do it with such grace and obedience, God is definitely smiling on you, Well done good and faithful servant. I don't think my last comment posted so I'll just say again that my favorite picture in my little peabrain is of Al playing the guitar with the CR band. He always looked so happy and was like a kid (in a good way) when he stepped in and helped out. I enjoyed having him around our little ministry. I'm sorry you all have to got thru this but it's these things that draw us closer to God and help us to be there in a big way for others down the road. My prayers have been with you and your family since earlier this week and will continue being with you. Love, Kathy Lonergan
ReplyDeleteRandi...
ReplyDeleteOur prayers are with you, Allen, and family. Your blogs are wonderfully written and are helping me process through this difficult period. It is said that everything happens for a reason...It seems that sometimes we don't get to know or understand the reason. I do know that Allen has helped countless others and that we miss seeing his goofy grin...
Thanks again for keeping us informed in your beautiful way!
Randi and family,
ReplyDeleteI just learned last night (Friday) at the 8pm AA meeting in Orangevale about Allan's accident and his very scary condition. I've just read your Friday blogs, and wanted to reach out and try and offer some comfort to all of you during this difficult time. I've known Al since he walked through the doors of AA almost 21 years ago, and I know that he is so blessed to have so many people praying for him and all his loved ones today. Al's belief in his God is powerful enough to pull him and you through whatever outcome occurs. You are not alone and, by extension you are as loved and supported and cherished as Al has always been. His heart is huge, whether it still beats today or whether he is called home. And all that Al has brought to others over these many years is coming right back to you in full force and with some accrued interest. So, little candle light, burn strong and true, and know that you have this endless safety net surrounding you while you face whatever comes.
With much love and concern, Catherine Randolph, Folsom, CA
Hi Randi Faye and Vicki and all-
ReplyDeleteI have been with my mom in Napa who is under hospice care (and mine) and not expected to live much longer for the last few weeks so I've been out of the loop. I only heard about Big Al today and was told about your blog. I read it all and so I'm now up to date. I have a nephew who is 18 mo old and going thru intense cancer treatment and his mom is using a blog like this to keep us updated as well. It's very therapeutic for her and works really well for us too (as well as cutting down on the calls and visitors). I hope this serves you well and I personally love you adding your feelings in.
I send my prayers and love your way and will keep watching the blog. I love what Catherine said above so I say "ditto" to that too. Give your mom a hug. I personally am off to sit through Monters Vs Aliens with my 9 yr old who has only seen me for about 24-48hrs over the last two weeks. Love to you - Shirley Bimson/Jake
Randi Fay, Thank you for your most heartfelt posts and updates about Allen's condition. As you have said, he is so loved; I pray that you are finding some comfort yourself in writing and posting these updates. As I think of Allen laying there, so very hurt, I think of our lives long ago, and 20-years of our families growing and playing together; so many camping trips, and bar-b-ques to remember - good-times ... and then there is now. My prayers are with you Miss Randi, and Vicki, and whom ever else is there for you all to support each other, as you come together and take care of Allen's needs, and make the unimaginable decisions that you must make on a daily basis right now. Please know that I love you special friend :), I always have, I always will. Dodger & Kiwi send their love too!
ReplyDeleteDebbie Duell
To Allan's Family and Frinds,
ReplyDeleteI just heard - and my heart is broken. You see I like so many of you are in the the catagory of "...to know him is to love him." And I have known and loved him for many years. And I am happy to say that I have told him each and every time I saw him. God has blessed me by his friendship and his undying faith in me. I will keep him and his in my prayers, beacause I Believe!
Manda Hackley